Friday, November 10, 2006

It. Finally. Happened.

Hi! No, I'm not dead! Just really busy. But! I come to you with useful knowledge! Did you know that pipetting 1uL of solution fifty bazillion times uses forearm muscles not needed for any other daily activities, ever, in your whole life? Well, it does! Science is full of learning! (Owie. Hurts.)

Okay, on to more important things. Does the Thing That Finally Happened have to do with science and learning? Why, no! It's much more important than that! I have been waiting for this day, and I know a few of you have been as well. Yes, kids, it's true:

I ran out of tampons.

Sorry, fellas. I promise this isn't going to get graphic, but will only delve into the discussion of consumer products that you are already aware of and that, I assure you, are not useful for plugging up leaks in boats.

Do you remember the Spongeworthy episode of Seinfeld? The Today contraceptive sponge was taken off the market, so Elaine bought every one she could find, amassing quite an impressive stockpile? Well, the same thing happened to me, only with tampons.

Man, here's where I wish I could remember the date. The truth is, I don't know exactly when this happened, but I know it was not later than 1998. The powers that be decided to discontinue o.b. tampons. I had used my beloved o.b.'s since high school. They don't have applicators, which some people think make them icky, but I personally think that applicators are just as icky as well as wasteful and, in some instances, a little painful. So, I lurves me some o.b.'s.

But they were discontinued! Oh no! I was living in Maryville at the time, so I went around to every store that might have some in hopes of stocking up. No place had any left except the warehouse grocery store, Food 4 Less. They were marked down 60% and I bought every one they had. One and a half cases. And they're small little boxes, so a case holds a lot. Just a few months later, they came back on the market, but there was no way of knowing that at the time. So, for almost ten years I've been carting around jillions of tampons as I moved around the country and, except for the one box I had to get one time I was away from home and ill-prepared, I have not had to buys tampons that entire time. We always wondered how long it would take to use them up. Now we know. A long time.

Now, it's convenient to not have to buy tampons and to know that you're not going to run out in the middle of a month. But there was one thing about my stockpile that I hated. By the time I got to the store to buy them out, they only had regular absorbency left. Mostly, this is okay, but, you know. Sometimes it's not. But I simply couldn't justify buying different tampons when I had a case and a half sitting in the linen closet. So, I haven't. But now I can! Woot!!

I'm breakin' into the awesome gift my former co-worker Ann gave me when I left Boyce & Bynum -- Super absorbancy o.b.'s!! It's a great day to have a period!

Well, okay, that's compete bullshizz.

3 comments:

Laura said...

As a fellow OB fan, I can totally get this. I, too, would purchase a 10 years supply if they were discontinued. I can't even imagine that horror- if they were discontinued.

Good to know that you've moved onto the super absorbancy. Did you know they even have a multi-pack now? Big progress afoot on the tampon front, my friend.

Professor said...

Well, this post along with the week I've had finally did it.

My head exploded.

I'm gonna spend the weekend painting and, I guess, looking for a new head.

Melissa said...

HOLY SHIT!!!! I can't believe the day finally arrived! Seriously, this is not just the typical "Missa sarcasm". It seemed as if those tampons might carry you into menopause. Well, I guess we all knew they wouldn't last that long, but...For all those out there, I remember being with Sus when she found out about o.b's being discontinued. I believe we were at Easter's. No, I know that's where we were. So, Easter's still existed as a store, and the north side of the store was still filled with make-up, feminine hygiene products, and further to the east, fabrics and craft materials. She couldn't find any o.b. tampons, and she asked an employee. She said, "Oh, they aren't going to make those anymore." ... Susan experienced emotions reserved for severely traumatic occasions...the demolition of a childhood home, the loss of a beloved pet, you get the picture. Then the hunt began. I wasn't with her during the purchase of the case and a half, but I got a phone call. As I wasn't there in person, I can't swear to it, but I am pretty sure that I heard tears of joy in her voice as she told me of the find. It's been a great journey. Welcome back to the world of monthly buying, Scuzzy, we've missed you!