Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Playing to my faults

I just had a long meeting with the professor with whom I'm doing a 10-week lab rotation. At the end of last week, he emailed me six journal articles. I assumed that he expected me to read them before we met today. So I tried. I kind of did it haphazardly and had some problems with a couple of them and skimmed part of one, but I basically read the articles, sort of, for the most part. Kind of. But not like I thought I should have. Not like I would have, if I hadn't been ADD Sus all weekend.

At the meeting today, he was impressed that a) I actually read them at all, b) that I read them closely enough to know that I had problems understanding parts of them, c) that I cared that I had problems understanding parts of them and d) that I understood his explanations of the problem areas. He kept telling me how impressed he was. It was a little embarassing, considering I thought I had sort of blown it off.

You would think this would be good! You would think, "Rock on, Sus! Grad school is agreeing with you!"

BUT NO!

This is bad! This is very, very bad! This means I have less incentive to do things the way I think they should be done! And, kids, I am all about incentive! If I can rationalize doing something school-related in a half-assed manner so I can do something I really want to do, like crochet or nap, I WILL DO IT. And the more often I can pull it off, the more I will continue to do it. I managed to get a 4.0 at Columbia College with such nonsense, but REALLY, PEOPLE, I MUST BE STOPPED.

But, I want to finish Gator's fatigue hat before winter, and I'm really late making one of my nieces an afghan, and I really did promise that my sister would have a hand-crocheted tablecloth one day, and I am a little sleepy, come to think of it...

5 comments:

Melissa said...

Listen up, scank. Here's your freakin' motivations: 1) Since this first meeting with the professor, his expectations of you have risen greatly, knowing that you read everything assigned, and were aware of your weaknesses 2) Since you were so quick to understand once he explained, he will expect you to be a quick learner, and you won't get a whole lot of slack, and 3) This is the beginning of a friggin' 5-YEAR committment of your life, which I might add was purely of your choosing, and as you plan to spend the rest of your life doing this, you sure as hell better get everything out of it that you can! With that said, I love you, and have a Great week! Take a few short crochet breaks every now and then, but remember why you are there. To learn and drink beer!!!

Tricia said...

After reading this post, I'm imagining my therapist sitting across from me, in her cushy eggplant-colored chair, under a print of Georgia O'Keeffe's poppy, looking at me over her notebook saying, "don't you think you're being extremely self-criticial"? I mean, you got everything done, right? You met expectations, right? I mean, I hate to be crass, but college is largeley about meeting others' expectations, namely, those who give you grades. Be self-critical about your personal goals, I say--and maybe not even then. But your post was friggin' funny and I enjoyed reading it.

Melissa said...

See, if anyone has a problem, give it to Trish and me, and somewhere in the middle you will find the answer!

Laura said...

Trish, can I fire my therapist and hire yours?

Tricia said...

Yes, Missa, I too have been laughing at our very supportive, totally polarized answers! Too funny. And honestly, Laura, I think my therapist would be willing to work with you over the phone. You'd just have to work out a payment plan. And maybe I could photograph the scene I described and e-mail it to you so you could look at it while on the phone. Oh, and Scuzzy, I TOTALLY understand what you're saying about the time thing. I had a similar experience when I was freelancing and looking for a full-time job. Yep, I'd work on my stuff for several hours, then try to chill out at home, all the while having A LOT OF ANXIETY ABOUT IT because when you don't have a defined workplace and schedule there's always something else you COULD BE DOING, as your inner critic is constantly reminding you. Then, you have to listen to annoying comments from nine-to-fivers about how great you have it. Ugh. Oh, and you made me wanna make tuna casserole, too.