Hi! No, I'm not dead! Just really busy. But! I come to you with useful knowledge! Did you know that pipetting 1uL of solution fifty bazillion times uses forearm muscles not needed for any other daily activities, ever, in your whole life? Well, it does! Science is full of learning! (Owie. Hurts.)
Okay, on to more important things. Does the Thing That Finally Happened have to do with science and learning? Why, no! It's much more important than that! I have been waiting for this day, and I know a few of you have been as well. Yes, kids, it's true:
I ran out of tampons.
Sorry, fellas. I promise this isn't going to get graphic, but will only delve into the discussion of consumer products that you are already aware of and that, I assure you, are not useful for plugging up leaks in boats.
Do you remember the Spongeworthy episode of Seinfeld? The Today contraceptive sponge was taken off the market, so Elaine bought every one she could find, amassing quite an impressive stockpile? Well, the same thing happened to me, only with tampons.
Man, here's where I wish I could remember the date. The truth is, I don't know exactly when this happened, but I know it was not later than 1998. The powers that be decided to discontinue o.b. tampons. I had used my beloved o.b.'s since high school. They don't have applicators, which some people think make them icky, but I personally think that applicators are just as icky as well as wasteful and, in some instances, a little painful. So, I lurves me some o.b.'s.
But they were discontinued! Oh no! I was living in Maryville at the time, so I went around to every store that might have some in hopes of stocking up. No place had any left except the warehouse grocery store, Food 4 Less. They were marked down 60% and I bought every one they had. One and a half cases. And they're small little boxes, so a case holds a lot. Just a few months later, they came back on the market, but there was no way of knowing that at the time. So, for almost ten years I've been carting around jillions of tampons as I moved around the country and, except for the one box I had to get one time I was away from home and ill-prepared, I have not had to buys tampons that entire time. We always wondered how long it would take to use them up. Now we know. A long time.
Now, it's convenient to not have to buy tampons and to know that you're not going to run out in the middle of a month. But there was one thing about my stockpile that I hated. By the time I got to the store to buy them out, they only had regular absorbency left. Mostly, this is okay, but, you know. Sometimes it's not. But I simply couldn't justify buying different tampons when I had a case and a half sitting in the linen closet. So, I haven't. But now I can! Woot!!
I'm breakin' into the awesome gift my former co-worker Ann gave me when I left Boyce & Bynum -- Super absorbancy o.b.'s!! It's a great day to have a period!
Well, okay, that's compete bullshizz.