My inner child takes over occasionally. Ordinarily, this can be considered a good thing -- being carefree, innocent, even silly. This is just fine. But my inner child has a long-held neurosis that my outer adult can't shake. And it drives me nuts.
I can't pee in a public restroom if someone else can hear me.
By myself in a public restroom? No problem. Big, busy bathroom with many people coming and going, toilets flushing, conversations going on, sinks running? Also, no problem. Small, quiet, two-stall restroom with a single other pair of feet in the room. Not happening. It's like my pee suddenly got really shy and decided to high-tail it right back up into my kidneys. And I run into this sort of thing almost every day.
I've tried everything -- clearing my mind, thinking of diving into an ice-cold pool, wearing my MP3 player and turning it up really loud so I can't hear the silence, waiting until I have to go so badly that I almost pee in the hallway. It don't matter, kids.
So, what do I do in these situations? My inner child plays all sorts of games to get out of them. Walk into the bathroom and see that other pair of feet? Easy. Pretend you only came in for the sink, wash hands, rustle toweling, leave and find another, empty, restroom. Someone else comes in once I'm settled but before the business at hand has been taken care of? Simple. Pretend I'm already done, get up, flush, wash hands, leave and find another, empty, restroom. Don't notice there's another person in the room until you're already in the stall? Ummmm. Pretend you're there for other feminine reasons, rustle around, lift lid of special little trashcan, repeat above scenario.
This is stupid. Oh, I know it.
So I've decided to try something new and novel to try to shake my inner child into seeing reason and just freaking peeing already. You guessed it, my new idea is to declare this insanity to the world in a fit of Blogging Therapy in hopes of curing myself via the innernets.
Hello. My name is Sus and I have peeing issues.
This is also stupid. Oh, I know it.
But don't you feel so much closer to me now?