Sunday, July 16, 2006

Adventures in Roll-Back(tm) land.

Let's just say that unforseen circumstances led me to start on a plunger quest at 10:00 on a Saturday night. Now, in Columbia, MO, if you need a plunger at 10:00 on a Saturday night, there's really only one place you can go. Yes, the ubiquitous Wal-Mart. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a deep-seated hatred of said Mart, the details of which I shan't go into here. But, as I have mentioned, it was 10:00 on a Saturday night, I really needed a plunger (you just really can't put things like that off), a Wal-Mart Superannoying Center is right across the street, I still had a Wal-Mart gift card I had gotten for Christmas and, hell, they already had the money, I might as well get some of their stuff. Like a plunger (Thanks, Steve! I love my Christmas present!!).

Here are some things I can tell you about the people who shop at Wal-Mart at 10:00 on a Saturday night.
  • There are a suprising number of them. I find this odd, because I, for one, never would have been there at such a time were it not for something pretty emergent, like dire plunger need.
  • None of them are handicapped and none of them are the kind that will park in the handicapped spots even though they, themselves, are not handicapped. I have seriously never seen such a sea of empty, blue-lined parking spaces in such a full parking lot. Ever. Anywhere.
  • They tend to be young and travel in packs. As if this were really their hot, group-date Saturday night plan. "Hey, dude, let's pick up the beyotches and head over to Wally World! Oh, and for God's sake, don't forget your cell phone -- it's not like we can actually talk to the people we're with!"
  • Except for the Asian people who came to get every empty box on the planet. At least two Asian couples (who did not appear to be together) were pushing around multiple carts full of empty boxes (the employees stock the shelves at night, so I guess this is the time to get your empty boxes) while shopping for food. I mean, the cart was already full of broken-down boxes (and I mean full), and yet they were trying to balance their food purchases on top of the cart full of boxes. I so badly wanted to go up to them and say, "Here! In your full-to-overflowing cart! A fabulous invention that will hold your groceries! It's called a box! You seem to know of it's incredible powers, as you have decided to collect four million of them! Perhaps you would use one now!" Alas, I did not. They might have pelted me with boxes. I mean, they had extra.

So, I buys my plunger and I goes on my way. God willing, I will have no further reason to visit said Mart. Especially not for hot Saturday night non-handicapped, group-date, cell phone, box collecting action.

P.S. The plunging was fruitful. In case you were worried.

P.P.S. "PlungerQuest" would be an excellent name for a band.

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