Thursday, March 29, 2007

The smell of the nightmares, the roar of the stress

I promised a pic of my new glasses when they came in and here it is! I was hoping the jaunty angle would show the fact that, while the outside of the frames are black, the edges and inside are hot pink! Too cute! But it didn't really show up in the photo. And I colored my hair last night so I'm not embarrassed to be seen in these parts.

I like them. :)

Do you have anxiety dreams? You know, the kind where you realize that you've had to return to school and pass an exam, but you didn't know about it until the day of the exam and there's no way you can pass it and you run around freaking out trying to find a solution to this improbably dilemma? Or you find that you've come to work and forgotten most of your clothing so you try in vain to find some way to get home with no one seeing you? Yeah, those.

I've had many anxiety dreams over the years and they're usually something like what I described above. But now I have a new brand of anxiety dream. I've named them the "You're On!" dreams. Let me explain.

Last spring, I performed in a musical at my alma mater, Columbia College. It was a three-woman show called Honky Tonk Angels and it was great fun. We put it together in a week, though, so it was a particularly fast-paced, stressful kind of fun. We only had three performances and then it was over. After so much complete immersion, it was just gone. I like to think that maybe this is why it has begun cropping up in my nocturnal life.

Tuesday night (the day after that big exam), I had my fourth "You're On!" dream since I did the musical. They're all slightly different, but the general premise is the same: We're doing the musical again. Right now. Don't remember all your lines? Don't remember the words to all your songs? Yeah, you're totally screwed because you're going on right now. And the first lines of the entire production are mine. And I can't remember them for the life of me. And I keep hoping and praying that there's some sort of theater magic which will kick in and I will suddenly remember everything right when I need to and that it will be a bit like riding a bike or driving a stick shift. That maybe, maybe I have a deep, hidden Honky Tonk Angels Autopilot tucked away in me somewhere. So far, I haven't gotten to find out, because the dreams never get that far. They focus on the frenzy before I actually hit that stage; I wake up before I actually get there.

We could analyze these within an inch of their lives, talk about how I stress myself with procrastination and how this is my mind's way of telling me to stop it or it's way of dealing with the unnecessary anxiety I feed it with my bad habits. But let's not. Because, "Duh!" I torture my brain and it tortures me back. Let's just commiserate about how we all do this to ourselves and the fun and interesting forms these dreams take.

Wanna share?



Anonymous said...

Oh yes, I can relate to those kinds of dreams. Mine usually involve school where it's the final exam and I don't even know where the classroom is because I haven't shown up for class the entire term. Not that I ever did that specifically but I have been known to procrastinate.

YarnThrower said...

I got anxiety just reading about your dreams! Actually, it is a bit close to home, too -- similar dream about taking a class and forgetting about it until a week before the end of the semester -- then trying to cram a semester's worth of learning some math or science subject into one week in order to prepare for the final, though waking up before the thing resolves..... Too weird, because I mentioned a similar dream in my blog post for today.....

Maybe it means that I procrastinate too much, too? It's certainly very possible! I like your hair, and the glasses are cute, though I have no idea what you looked like before that.....

Becky G said...

All the time. I used to have dreams that I would start school only to find that I'd gone back a week too soon and no one else was there. On the flip side, I would often have dreams about going back to school too late and everyone else had already been there for a week.

One of my best ones, though was that I was trying on some clothes in the Wal-mart dressing room when all of my clothes disappeared. Both the ones I was trying on and my own clothes. I was trying to get out of Wal-mart stark naked--trying to slip out undetected by hiding behind the clothes racks.

And those are just the anxiety dreams, not the truly frightening ones!

Anonymous said...

I don't have anxiety dreams- I have an anxiety life that just replays itself when my eyes are closed.

Anonymous said...

Ha, ha, ha--didn't realize I was starting a meme with my own dream posting the week before. Yeah, plenty of dreams where I had not studied, was not prepared, was not properly dressed, was not dressed at all--period.

I've been having some dreams lately where I have some place I REALLY have to be--i.e. a job interview, an exam, my own wedding, etc., and I, like, keep on getting amnesia about it and am so focused on the present that I start to forget about it--and then when I realize I have to go, suddenly it's like I can hardly walk or am walking against a stiff 70 mph wind.

Finally, perhaps it's because it' s been nearly eleven years since my ex-fiancee and I split, I've had a few dreams where I'm about to get married to someone and I don't know for the life of me why.

Okay, now I've given out wayyy too much information.

Anonymous said...

I have anxiety dreams too, although mine are usually about trying to find children. I can hear them and I know they are up to something, but I can't find them and I know when I do, I am going to freak because they are playing with stuff that is dangerous. I always wake up with pictures of teary-eyed Moms sitting in the hospital waiting to see if their babies will make it and one of them is me.
Scary stuff. I usually have to go peek in Girly's room to see if she is okay and I feel such relief when the other two show up for the day.